Grace and Gratitude

Once again I must apologize for my absence of late.  I blame Mercury.  Hey, it's as good an excuse as any, right?

I am at present toying with a couple of new book ideas (or rather, old ideas that are resurfacing because obviously I don't have enough to do with my time), and the one that I think is most likely to see print first is a book on my approach to Wiccan values, the Graces.  I believe in a system of virtue-based ethics, and "Graces" is simply my name for those virtues I feel are most in keeping with Wicca as I practice it. 

While there have been several books touching on the idea of Wiccan ethics, most tend to focus too much on the Rede and the Threefold Law; while I have my issues with the latter, both have played an important part in shaping our standards of behavior...or, sort of.  Really, though, what have either accomplished?  The main thing seems to be that everyone gets to create his or her own ideas of right and wrong, with whatever spin on "harm none" he or she prefers as the guiding star. All right, but then what?  How does the Rede actually help people make everyday decisions?  Does it at all, from a practical standpoint? 

This is where the idea of virtues comes in.  From the seeming simplicity of the Rede to the Charge of the Goddess to our view of the universe, we can draw ideals to live by that are both adaptable to the individual and comprehensible to others in our community.  You can ramble for hours about the Rede and get a blank look from the average person, or you can say, "I base my ethical code around love, compassion, integrity, et cetera," and at least get a nod of understanding.  Commandments tend to draw lines between belief systems; values cross those lines. 

Basing our entire ethical system around eight words may work for some people, but when it comes to the day-to-day reality of making choices that affect our lives and the lives of others, I have found the Graces much more workable.  I could hem and haw forever over whether or not an action "harms none," (no such thing) but if I look at it from the standpoint of, "Does this choice hold true to my values?" I stop getting bogged down in philosophical muck and find ways to get up and make a difference.

At any rate, I feel it's an idea that could use some exploration, and as I have already discussed it briefly in The Circle Within, I think a longer and more in-depth treatment is in order.

Book or no book, this post was supposed to be about a part of my spiritual practice I'm attempting to cultivate, not a brainstorming session.  Ahem.   Blame the digression on Mercury, again, because of course I never digress on my own.  *snort*

One of my Graces is Gratitude.  We as a culture are not grateful--oh, we say our prayers dutifully when the universe hands us a favor, but otherwise, it's all gimme gimme gimme.  Most of us run around in a fog of endless striving for more money, success, and sex, and never pause in our running long enough to offer up praise for the breath in our lungs, the glory of the Autumn sky, the taste of a perfect decaf soy mocha. 

In my personal life, I am slowly coming to realize that the biggest difference between happy people and unhappy people isn't what they have, but how they feel about what they have.  Simply understanding how lucky we are and expressing gratitude for that can change our whole outlook. 

This is, as you might expect, a difficult task for a cynical double Scorpio known for her magical powers of snark.  I tend to focus hard and fast on the negative; even when good things happen I immediately look for the catch.  The entirety of my 20s seems to have been an exercise in waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Obviously this isn't good for me, and hinders my ability to grow spiritually.  It also makes me kind of a bummer to be around if you catch me on the wrong day. 

That in mind I have begun a new practice--or, rather, started it a while ago, stopped, and recently started again.  I now keep a blank journal by my altar, and every night before bed, I sit down and write in the book one thing I am grateful for about the day just past. 

The thing might be as huge as getting a new car, or as small as seeing beautiful photos online of the glasswing butterfly.   It can be intangible:  "Today I am grateful for a moment of insight."  It can be silly:  "Today I am grateful for that song, 'The Humpty Dance.'"  It can be heartfelt:  "Today I am grateful for my father, who still thinks I hung the moon."  The important thing is that it is not mean-spirited (Today I am grateful that my jackass coworker stapled his tie to his hand.). 

When I write my gratitudes, I don't give any context.  The context isn't important.  Reading back over the entries, I don't want to be caught up in the details of what happened that day; I want to be reminded of the things in my life that matter, things that make me smile.  At the end of the week I re-read my entries.

What will this accomplish?  It forces me to find the good in even the crappiest day.  Finding one thing to be grateful for isn't that hard.  I try not to repeat myself, so I can't say "I'm grateful this day is over" after every bad day.  It's the Pollyanna Glad Game, but it really does help.  Give it a try; you might be surprised at, and possibly even grateful for, the results.

Comments

[Luighseach]

I do something like this too, it is amazingly good for my focus.

[Rose]

One thing that helped me a few years ago was the realization that I looked for the negative so that I would be prepared emotionally to handle it if it came. In the deepest part of my subconscious I thought that if I wasn't already in a state of nervous wreck when something bad happened, I'd be so overwhelmed that I'd break. Once my subconscious let go of this I was able to see all the places in my life where I was creating stress and see why I was doing it. It's really helped, though I haven't perfectd it yet. :-)

[Luna]

I like this idea of yours -- I think you should write it out, even if it doesn't become a book. What are some of the other graces?

BTW, I just found your blog via pagan sojourn and I think it's great.

[Judy Harrow]

I so agree with you about the importance of gratitude to Pagan spirituality. It's the human heart-response to immanence, the core practice of a love-and-pleasure based spiritual Path.

I also agree that an ethic to live by should offer us some positive guidance -- virtues -- as well as some boundary notions of what is to be avoided.

But we have this. At least many of us do. Right there in the core text, waiting to be discovered as soon as we got far enough along the Path to realize the need.

And, yes it is just eight words, but not the Rede. The Rede comes first, of course, but when you reach the "OK, then what?" place, the answer is:

power and compassion
beauty and strength
honor and humility
mirth and reverence

and underlying all of those is the model of balance and integration of apparent opposites.

Blessed Yule to you and yours!