Mid-Week Inspiration - Evil Pink Heart Edition

(This is an excerpt from a journal entry I wrote last year that I wanted to share.)

A Love Spell

It is well documented that I hate, hate, HATE Valentine's Day, for reasons I've ranted about on several occasions. I hate everything about it from the mindless gift-giving forced upon men to the stereotypical gifts forced on women to the color pink to the endless radio ads urging you to "take her breath away" with a slave-labor mined diamond.

So needless to say it was a bit surprising to find myself at my altar last night, burning a heart-shaped candle.

Most Witches have done love spells. It's usually the first thing the young among us want to learn to do--that includes me, of course. I was, after all, sixteen when I became Wiccan. Maybe I was never the fluff-headed teen that you see buying spellbooks from Hot Topic, but as a girl given the Kiss of Death ("You have such a pretty face!") I longed for the romance that I never really believed I could have. Perhaps it was that deep-down disbelief that kept my love spells from working properly; perhaps it was that, like most people flinging love magic around, I was asking for the wrong love.

I intended to make perfume tonight. But as I gathered the oils and the vodka, and rummaged around in my apothecary cabinet for a dropper (they're like socks--no matter how many you have, you end up with mismatched parts), I found myself staring at a silly thing I'd had in the cabinet for years with no idea what to do with: a red heart-shaped candle about the size of a tealight.

Naturally seeing it made my hatred of V-Day bubble up again, and I had half a mind to throw it away, but as my hand closed around it, something in me said quite clearly that I was not, in fact, going to do so.

Instead, I set it on my altar, and the thought occurred: What the hell am I doing?

Before I could answer myself, the candles were lit. I set the heart candle on a bed of lavender, and arranged rose quartz and carnelian around my wee Goddesses and fluorite votive holders.

And I sat there and stared. It made no sense. What was I here for?

Witches spend years learning to cultivate trance states. We meditate, we chant, we dance, we hunt down and pounce on our alpha waves and seduce beta with heathen abandon. For all our work, though, sometimes trance just happens, like accidents, or Republicans. When it does it's usually an indicator that a Larger Power has something to say, and You Had Better Listen Damn It.

My consciousness narrowed until all I could see was the flame of my main altar candle, as its light sweet amber scent reached me on each breath. And somehow, my eyes locked on the agent of Fire, I found myself standing in the rain.

I stood beneath the cooling storm, felt waves strike my feet, floodwaters rising, rising as the rain fell and fell. Energy rose as a soft white light spinning, shot through with silver, higher and higher. Instead of flying off into the universe to change probability in accordance with my will, however, at the apex it seemed to implode, and despite its magnitude settled down over me gently, falling like snowflakes, sinking into my skin until it felt like every cell in my body was translucent, incandescent.

Words flooded through.

Wake unto me, my love, and hear my call
for I have sought your footsteps in the sand
as the tide seeks the shore
My hands have been a lover's hands
reaching for you in the darkened glass
I have danced a thousand dances for you
I have called your thousand serpents
to wind around my arms
I have spoken your thousand names
into still air scented with sandalwood
I have felt the kiss of your presence
and the heat of your touch
I have waited
waited for you
upon the curving breast of the hillside
breathing in the longing for you
and I have stood in the downpour
of an early Spring
and tasted you upon the rain
Let me find my rest
Let me be filled with you
and rejoice
for we are as one
and have never been sundered.

My chakras fell open as if a curtain had parted, and I found myself staring into the water, now as still and shining as a mirror. I looked into my own reflection, her face favoring me with a DaVinci smile, waiting for me to understand.

Suddenly I felt the entire universe resounding with the kind of love that is so big and so incredible that trying to describe it lessens it. It was awesome in the classic sense of the word, and before me I saw what I have only seen a few times in my entire life: the Dance itself, endless starlight, moving in and out of patterns too vast to be seen from the highest peak in Creation.

Star of Light, Abyss of Darkness, I prayed, Let my life be infused with Your love, and let me fall in love with my life so madly that everything I touch and everything I am becomes more beautiful, more awake, more alive. I have offered myself as Your instrument; I have sworn myself as Your hands. May I also be Your joy...and my own.

Today while the mundane world is indulging in its orgy of contrived romance, cast a love spell upon yourself--to love your life, and your own being, so completely that you will never compromise your own worth for another, never cheapen your gifts or devalue your beauty. The Goddess Herself fashioned your being with Her own hands; remember that. Remember that the light in your eyes is the light that birthed the heavens. Remember who you are.

And don't you forget it.

Comments

[Sara]

Ah, Sister. This post rocks so much in so many ways.

-S

[Sylvan]

Thanks Sara!

[heather]

Thank from another V-day hater. This gives me a whole new, much-needed perspective.

[Breklor]

Thank you! This is a beautiful piece.

If it's OK with you I'd like to share it with my Unitarian Pagan circle tonight.

[Sylvan]

Breklor,

Sure! Go right ahead.

[hecate Demetersdatter, Runnymeade Conspirator]

Truly lovely!

[Mary]

You have blessed all of us with your sharing!

[Kitsune]

I've lurked for quite a while here and I've really enjoyed reading what you have posted. I'd just like to say this is an incredibly beautiful entry which almost made me cry. Thank you for sharing hun!Incredible.

[Kirsten]

Personally I love valentine's day, but I get what you are saying. I think this is a fine way to observe it, for those who are not into the Hallmark-card romance.

[Thalia]

Oh my gawd Dianne that was just gorgeous.

[deborah oak]

Wowza!!! Thank the Goddess you found that little heart shaped candle! Despite all the commericialization, it's powerful to have a day when so many people are thinking about love. This is a stunningly beautiful description of how we as witches can both tap into that and feed it as well. Thank you!!!

[Bill]

Being born on this day, it irritates me, too, that it is so commercialized.

However, hating the holiday because it is so commercialized perpetuates - no, feeds - the commercial beast. The hatred accentuates it, provides it more purpose. Perhaps it will become popular to hate it, because it resides here on this web site. I hope it does not for the sake of the holiday's principle.

The principle of the holiday cannot be overcome. It's a principle. Thank you for having some love on this holiday.

Regarding "never compromise your own worth for another," I will most certainly compromise my worth (my life) for another. Three others - my wife, my daughter, and my son - or any one of them. There is nothing mundane about that.