On Pagan Conformity

Recently there’s been a bit of discussion 'round the blogosphere about the issue of Pagans looking like, well, Renaissance-festival reject freaks, and whether or not we can ever be taken seriously in the religious community if we come off as members of a fandom.

As with any online discussion there’s a good deal of self-righteousness and indignation attached to the subject, some yelling, quite a bit of snobbery.  (Did you know that cursing makes you "trailer-park?"  Well, fuck me.) I was a bit surprised at how vehement and venemous people got about it, but then, this is the Internet.

I'll be the first to admit that the more colorful members of our community do put me off.  In fact, they put a lot of people off, including those who might otherwise stay and become valuable members of the community.  In my mind, the costumes aren't the problem; the problem is the people wearing them…er, some of them.  I don't mean to judge everyone who wanders about in a cape and loincloth, although it does help me decide who I don't want to date.

I don't have much to do with festivals or large gatherings, mostly because I have ghosts haunting my memories of past festivals, but also because I can drink and shag at home for free without getting poison ivy.  One day I plan to return to the festival world at least once so I can confront my ghosts, but for the most part, it's not my scene. 

The question that arises, however, is a valid one:  should Pagans conform to the accepted social behavior, as it applies to our outward appearance, in order to be taken seriously? 

Being a fat woman in a world full of diet addicts and plastic-surgery-junkies, my immediate response is, of course, hell no.  I've lived my entire life in the shadow of other people's ideas of what looks normal and acceptable, and I know how soul-sucking it can be to try and conform when you simply don’t fit the mold.

Ideally, Paganism represents a fundamentally different way of looking at the world from the mainstream's materialistic commercialism and environmental degradation.  Why should we dress to fit into a status quo we don't want to be a part of?  Becoming Pagan isn't something that tends to attract conformists; why look like everyone else when you aren't like everyone else? 

Also, as Deborah Lipp rightly pointed out, a great many of the Pagans who rant and rave about Pagans who dress like refugees from Middle Earth also go on about how we shouldn't judge all Christians by the actions of Christianity's more out-there members…and isn't that exactly what we're doing to ourselves?  I admit I am guilty of this, and it never occurred to me to look at it that way until she mentioned it.  Why is it that we give other religions--religions whose adherents frequently model behavior we abhor--more indulgence than our own?

And really, when all is said and done, is it our outfits that are going to keep us from being taken seriously, or is it what we represent? 

Western patriarchal religion is reaching a crisis point, as its denial of the feminine and the Earth as holy has steadily driven our world closer and closer to the edge of a chasm of greed and destruction.  The old system doesn't work anymore, and it won't take much to bring the whole thing crashing down.  Paganism's rise in America represents the fact that there is an alternative; that people can think for themselves and come to Deity on our own terms.  We are a harbinger of the doom of the old power structure.  Of course they don’t take us seriously.  We are like the discovery of Christ's alleged tomb--if we're allowed to be thought of as genuine, we become a threat.

All of this does not, however, mean I am going to strap on a corset and call myself Lady SparkleFlower just for the sake of being a nonconformist.  I'm afraid my freak flag is a smaller one, in a nice Earth tone, and while I do wave it as high as I can, it's drowned out by Lady SparkleFlower's neon pink glitter flag.  Oh well; I prefer jeans over broomstick skirts anyway.

We've had hundreds of years to get used to clerical collars and saffron-colored Buddhist robes.  If I show up for an interfaith council dressed in a Gandalf cloak with prosthetic pointed ears and a six-foot staff tipped with a $300 quart point, well, I pretty much waive the right to be surprised when they laugh at me.  Do I have the right to dress how I want to dress?  As far as I know, as long as my bits are covered to the satisfaction of state and local laws, yes I do.  Do other people have the right to think I look like a moron?  Oh yes, and I promise you, they will.

I wish I could say I agreed completely with either side of the debate, but the truth is, I can see both points.  I too have been embarrassed by my co-religionists.  I too get tired of being looked at as a kook because of other people's wardrobes.  Yet I too want to rage against the society that demands I dress and act a certain way and sink my hard-earned dollars into being just like everyone else. 

The only thing I can say with certainty is this:  my duty is not to dress like a Pagan or like a Christian or like anyone.  My duty is to be 100% myself 100% of the time, and not apologize for who I am or what I look like. 

Lucky for me, being myself doesn't involve wearing a corset…unless there's a whip to go with it.

Comments

[BlackHawk]

The place where I have the heartburn on this issue comes from the ones who talk about wanting to be "taken seriously" while they parade around wearing the outfit that looks like it's assembled from the reject pile from a costume shop. The same folks talk about wanting greater public acceptance for our religion, and then insist on looking and behaving as though they want anything but that.

The bottom line is that everything we do has a cost, without exception. It's up to each of us to decide if the cost we're paying is worth what we're buying. If the need to dress like an extra from LOTR is powerful enough to offset the loss of credibility from doing so, then that's a cost-benefit that leans toward wearing whatever you want. That analysis might be different if you're trying to secure a loan from the bank.

I also understand both POVs here. Long before I became Wiccan, I was heavily into martial arts, and I gravitated (as all single males did at the time) to a study of ninjutsu. I owned a shinobigi (the black pajamas), the shuriken (throwing stars), the nekade (cat's claws) and the watabi (split-toed boots). I wore the latter to work, frequently, and ended up explaining over and over what I was wearing.

On the subject of conformity, though, I believe there is sufficient room for individuality and conformity here. Even Catholic priests don't wear full vestments to the post office. They do have those black suits, though. We could certainly adopt certain attire, behaviors, and/or patterns of speech to mark ourselves as Wiccan or Pagan, or so forth. We could do this, and still slip underneath the "acceptable" bar.

[Nan]

I think one of the commenters on the original piece summed it up quite well: substitute Muslim (or Jew, or Black...or Christian, for that matter) for Pagan and watch the fecal matter hit the rotary oscillator. It's easy enough to take pot shots at us, we have no real political clout, and let's face it, as BlackHawk says, we do draw our share of airy fairy whackjobs. But then so does Christianity and Buddhism and any number of other recognized, "respectable" faiths. But because we fall outside "the people of the Book," we draw ridicule and wrath. And as BlackHawk further says, a certain level of conformity just might be warranted, just to get in to sit at the conference table.

On the reverse side of the coin, no matter how fruitily we dress, chant, or dance, there is nothing, nothing we have done to warrant this kind of hatefulness. I'm going to keep watching that article, so far, every commenter has been more or less vehemently shocked, angered, amazed that anyone could get away with this kind of "editorial." Only one person kinda sorta (as we say here in Texas) agreed, but that was tongue in cheek. It will be interesting to see if any of the more radical-intolerant who call themselves Christian chime in on his side.

[Mary]

Recently, TLC aired an episode of "My Unique Family" focusing on the family of the Wiccan priestess who founded The First Church of Wicca in Duxbury MA.

The members of the Wiccan Yahoo!Group to which I belong anxiously, and nervously, awaited it - concerned about how TLC would present the family, and, of course, what the family was really like.

I found it interesting that many of the posts afterward were concerned with the facts that the "Reverend Dr. Kendra" wore black clerical garb (everywhere!), and that she called her congregation a church. One member of the group asked if that was okay?

Well, of course, it's okay - she can do whatever she wants! Her bat, her ball, and all that. But I wondered if, by making such an effort to look and sound mainstream, she didn't sometimes do herself and her congregation a greater disservice. Some of her neighbors saw it as a mockery of christianity, which I imagine wasn't her intent at all.

I guess it's just one more reason I don't belong to a church, coven or other congregation. "I am me," my friend says, when asked about her religious beliefs (e.g. "What are you?"), and that pretty much sums it up for me, too. I don't need a cloak to connect with the God and Goddess - nor do I need a church. And I'd rather recognize my priestess by the look in her eye, than by the clothing she wears.

On the other hand, Kendra has eliminated that whole "what shall I wear?" thing each morning... (Hmmm - this might deserve a little more thought!)

[hecate Demetersdatter, Runnymeade Conspirator]

Boy am I glad to learn that the biggest problem that we have as modern Pagans is what to wear! ;)

Of course, what we wear is "weird" but the pope parading around in Prada is completely normal, as are all the "modest"ly-dressed conservative xian women who look to me like something out of an Amish nightmare.

Obviously, there's a difference between (most) workplaces and a festival. I'm not big on festivals, but that's more my INTJ nature than my inability to enjoy dress-up. Life's way too short and way too serious. Why shouldn't we get to dress up any way that we want when we worship? Anything that helps Younger Self connect to the divine is, IMHO, a good thing.

I'll admit that my own personal ick is the "Lady" this and "Lord" that -- which seems to be fading away at any rate. But, you know, if it helps someone on their path, I'm happy to call them whatever.

We are a religion w/ a sense of humor and I hope that we never lose that.

[BlackHawk, aka Bob James]

Hear, hear on the titular "Lord" and "Lady" stuff. Frankly, I've been trying to get away from using "BlackHawk" so much. Unfortunately, I think I might be scrod there, as I've gone by "Hawk" for so long that my wife and daughter both call me that.

As for the dressing as we like when worshiping, that is really not the issue, unless the worship session is public. Then, I think it's in everyone's best interest to keep it to a dull roar. In more private settings, let it all hang out. So to speak.

[moonroot]

What a fantastic post. Thank you for making me laugh & think in equal measure.

[Robbin]

BlackHawk raises an interesting question for me in saying that, "Even Catholic priests don't wear full vestments to the post office. They do have those black suits, though."

How should a priest/priestess dress and act in public? I respect anyone's right to dress like Conan but if they are distinguishing themselves as a member of a priesthood, should they not deport themselves in a way that makes them accessible to others? After all, you are looking to attract converts and you don't want your fellow believers to be embarrassed to come to you for guidance.

[Alexis Eastman]

My question has always been - what's the drive behind "pagan garb?" (I mean, beyond the fact that it's fun to wear renn-stuff sometimes). It has occurred to me that often it's a way of being different overtly, so that people will ask, and so on. But beyond that, there's an overarching "philosophy of garb" that so far remains fairly amorphous in the Pagan community.

In the first main form of "religious garb philosophy," Catholic priests wear black robes all the time because of a long history in which the clothes literally made the man, and their garb established a separate legal jurisprudence (confessional privacy, etc) and a community leadership position. That's why it's illegal to impersonate a Catholic priest in some locales. Other religions in have the same idea - Imams, etc....

In a second form, monks of all sorts wear a "uniform" to set themselves apart, both by denying the power of fashion in their lives and not-so-subtly warning off non-monks who might offer earthly temptations. It's not just monks - certain relgious-based cultures like the Amish and Hasidim do the same thing.

Most church leaders have a third garb, or mostly-non-garb. They don't have everyday apparel that sets them apart - evangelical ministers, lutherans, reform rabbis, etc.... There may be something simple, like a collar or yarmulke, but it's not a full uniform. Even leaders of non-judeo-christian religions, such as Zoroastrians, or the traditional healers of various African societies, seldom wear more than a necklace or something otherwise subtle.

I guess the question is: which of the three styles - Catholic priests, monks, or everyone else - do Pagans want to be? Do we want a priest/esshood that, like Catholic priests, is set apart from everyday people in terms of role and perhaps legal place? Do we want all Pagans to look separate, like Hasidim, Amish or Buddhist monks, and establish ourselves as a culture separate and apart from the modern material world? Or do Pagans want to be a part of the mainstream, just another type of church, like Lutherans, Jehovah's witnesses, 7th day adventists, etc....?

I'm not sure there's any right or wrong answer, and perhaps there's divisions inside Paganism that want each - much like Catholic monks versus priests. Given the individual nature of Pagan practice, it may be something that each person must decide for her/himself. But I would suggest that it be a consciously made choice, that can be explained if needed, rather than an acceptance or rejection of a common stereotype.

[Ayianna]

In response to Robin's post about what the communal 'we' of Pagans 'want' our religious leaders to dress like:

That is precisely the 'problem' here. Paganism across the board is so completely without structure on a large scale that even if one group made a decision on that level, too few of the other groups would follow suit.

For that matter, let's assume that I am in a coven or other such group of Pagans and we decide that the priest/ess of our group should wear a black robe or other such loose and/or flowing clothes when in public. The Pagan world is so unaware of its members that there is little way for our theoretical group to get in touch with the other groups in our area, much less our state, region, or country. It's really all just hit or miss.

And then again, why would someone who is unattracted to organized religion want to stay involved in a religion that suddenly finds itself organized, even on some small level? There is alot to be said for individuality, even though that comes at the cost of not being recognized as 'valid'.

[Ayianna]

Ooh, wow, sorry, not Robin. (I just realized that the poster's name is at the bottom of the post, not the top!! The aforementioned post is in response to Alexis Eastman's thoughts.

[Aradia]

I have observed that there are a few different 'types' or clicks of pagans. The "gamer pagans" who you seem to have issue with...the ones who do show up in costume and put on a persona complete with lord and lady this or that. Then there are the Lesbian pagans (of whom I was initiated) with their flowing skirts and millions of necklaces and scarfs who take names like Phoenix and the like. The darker goth Alister(sp?) Crowley types. The BDSM ritual purification through sensation, sacred sex etc. I know there are more...and some over lap.

I personally dress like a fat rockabilly pinup by day. But. I enjoy dressing appropriately to each rite. Colors coordinating with the season, fabrics that are easy to move in (thus I take off my pencil skirt and high heels) often giving me opportunity to revisit my colorful lesbian hippy roots. To dress as the gypsy witch for whom I was named. Its fun! It puts me in the right space. Yes, I can do magick/ritual in anything (including my corsets)...but what fun would it be to have to dress like a soccer mom in her sunday best just to fit in with christians; in hopes that they would, after 2007 years "take us seriously" instead of just taking our traditions and our lives.

The point is, we wear what suits us. We will never fit in with "them". There will always be 'bad apples' in the bunch. Nut-cases who are on their own twisted path. If their presence bothers you, stay solitary...or make sure you also get media exposure so people see that, like any religion, there are different types of pagans. But above ALL respect each other and celebrate our differences because if we start in-fighting about stupid shit, then 'they' have won, once again.

peace and blessings

[supernatural fan]

Everything has it's extremes and it's inhibitions. As with Christendom, the ways of the pagan worshipper are many and varied.
Forcing one to conform or encouraging chaos are the two sides of this coin. Ones path to finding deity or power should be exactly that, an individual decision on the part of the actor. Having said that, I feel that the pagan belief has gained much credibility over the past 4 decades and believe it will naturally find it's own place in the world without our interference.