Give it Up for the Goddess

My Goddess is a demanding one.  It's barely even the edge of Autumn, and She's making Her wishes known to me in ritual and meditation.  I am asked to tithe to Her in devotion, time, and even skin. 

Those are the easy part.  There's more.

Once you move deeper than the outer layers of Wicca, once the symbols and the holidays are part of your life and you're ready for something more spiritually intimate, you hit what is, for a lot of modern people, a snag:  God is neither a fairy godmother nor your bitch.  For every prayer answered, for every spell that succeeds, a sacrifice must be made. 

Younger generation Americans in particular hate the notion of sacrifice, I've observed.  A lot of people feel like they're entitled to "have it all" with a minimum of actual effort.  Meanwhile, the older generations raised in the shadow of war and Depression understand the idea of sacrifice, but for them it tends to be about sacrificing for the family and for country, not for self-actualization.  Personally I was born at the butt end of Gen X, so I have no work ethic, but I don't expect much, so it all evens out to a nice manageable level of slackerdom.

The fact, however, remains the fact:  there is no give without take.  A relationship must flow both ways in order to be healthy; that holds as true for a relationship with Deity as it does for a marriage. 

I've said all of this before, of course.  And of course, those new to the idea of Paganism and Wicca should note that when I say "sacrifice" obviously I'm not talking about cute furry animals or children.  Nope, you should only sacrifice ugly hairless animals.  Children are always okay.

Just kidding.  Calm down.

When I say "sacrifice," I don't mean to imply that there's a giant tote board in the sky keeping track of your deeds and wishes granted, or that the universe is a giant zero-sum game.  I mean simply that two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time.  If you want something new and wonderful in your life, room must be made for it.  You have to work to clear the ground and prepare the soil; if it's full of roots and rocks, you're less likely to reap a good crop.  If you want to be healthier, you can't just sit around filling yourself with white light and humping your crystals--you have to make real, practical changes in your real, practical life, the life you want transformed.  Life doesn't just happen on the astral plane; neither does magic.  Show the gods you're willing to make the sacrifice necessary, and willing to accept the consequences of the changes you have asked for.  Life is like wearing a white shirt to an Italian restaurant.  There will be deliciousness and satisfaction and succulence, but there will also be marinara on your shirt.

Of course, what that means is, be careful what you wish for.  When it comes down to it, is your goal worth what you'll have to give up?  Is it worth the time, the extra work?  Is a new relationship worth breaking off an old one?  Is a more fulfilling life worth moving, changing jobs, losing friends?  Are you truly willing to let go of the old way and embrace the new?  If you're not, you will not succeed.  If your closet is full of baggage, don't expect the gods to hand you a new wardrobe.

This is a minor sticking point I have with the Charge of the Goddess--that line about "nor do I demand aught of sacrifice."  I'm sure that it was written with the intention of stating clearly that Witches don't off bunnies and kitties and babies in their rituals, but it is a bit misleading in a broader sense.  No spiritual evolution has ever come freely.  However, I suppose the point is that  the Goddess doesn't force us into anything--in the end, we have to decide for ourselves if we are willing to give what must be given.  We always have the option to walk away, to let life continue until it becomes utterly unbearable.  Unfortunately what tends to happen is, if we don't walk into the sacrifice willingly when we have the opportunity, eventually things will get so horrible that we are forced out of our inertia into much more difficult choices.  Life will change; that is its nature.  Our freedom and responsibility is to create that change ourselves instead of allowing circumstances to dictate our stories.  To quote Natasha Bedingfield, "Today is where your book begins; the rest is still unwritten."

The important thing is not to confuse "sacrifice" with "suffering."  It doesn't always have to be painful, although we tend to cling so hard to our possessions and past that we bring a lot of undue pain upon ourselves.  Sacrifice isn't about agony, it's about significance. As we come into the waning time of year, when Death and the Dark Queen step onto the stage, They will surely ask you:  What is your heart's desire?  And what do you offer Us in return?

Only you can know the answer.

For more on the concept of sacrifice in religion, read this excellent article over at Breathless Noon:  What Are You Willing to Give Up For It?

Comments

[Michele]

Love your books, your insight and wisdom awe me on a daily basis....this entry touched me especially, in fact through your words today the Goddess gave me a healthy, hefty slap upside the head. I have been whining about a certain aspect in my love life and completely focusing on what my love was NOT doing for me and as I read your words the Goddess used them to ask me what have I done to make things better.....I've been bitching at his apparent lack of moving forward, yet, I've come to realize that I haven't made the necessary "sacrifices" to make room for him to move forward, in my heart, and in my home.
Thank you Dianne for helping me from making what could have been the biggest mistake in my love life. Thank you Goddess for using Dianne's words to help me see and learn what I need to do to make this work.

[Sarah]

Your ideas on sacrifice resonate deeply with me, as I'm paring down my possessions so I can move across the country towards an as-yet uknown, enriching career. I'm making room in my heart for the fulfillment of my prayers about this life transition. As I step off the precipice into the waiting hands of the Gods, I'll keep your words in mind!

[mama kelly]

A wonderful post ... you stated a deep truth that is all too often overlooked in modern Wiccan practice.

Thank you for doing so!

Mama Kelly

[margaritaspirit]

I was down during your series of posts on Pagans and depression and started moving again as your entries have talked about the same thing. Your blog has become a tremendous source of support as I make some change or face some issue in my own spiritual life and then come online and find in your words an affirmation of everything I'm going through. And good advice to boot. Thanks!

[Denise]

I just found your blog, which means this is the first post I read, and what a gem it is!

I especially appreciate that you addressed this:

"The important thing is not to confuse 'sacrifice' with 'suffering.' ... Sacrifice isn't about agony, it's about significance."

Well said! And, since most English speaking people (your blog's audience) have been raised with the cultural idea of having to suffer (re: agonize) in order to gain anything worthwhile, the difference between suffering and sacrifice is definitely something that we all need to be constantly reminded of.

And in that vein, I'd like to add that sacrifice means, literally, to "make sacred." And as we are all aware, making something sacred also means, in a sense, to give it special significance.

So, when "Death and the Dark Queen step onto the stage," and ask what you offer in return for your heart's desire, I think it's a good guess to say that They do not require agony and suffering, but simply an offering made sacred and therefore, at least equal in meaning and significance to what you are requesting.

It's all in the attitude of offering, really; the intention. "Giving something up" does not have to be synonymous with the suffering of loss and grief, it only needs to be significant.

Thank you so much for writing this post. Besides being just a damn good piece, it was also quite timely for me personally. And so, I also want to echo Michele's words above: "Thank you Goddess for using Dianne's words to help me" remember what I already knew!

Blessings
:)

[Sia]

What a wonderful essay. Thank you.

It reminds me of the Buddhist teaching about "difficult gifts" and how wonderful these can be if we embrace them. I am also reminded that the sacred so often speaks to us in paradox, and lastly of something I learned long ago; that things are not the way they are, things are the way we are.

All good things,

Sia

[Beth]

Marvelous insights for every person, Wiccan or not. Blessings to you in your own journey, Dianne, and thank you for sharing your road stories with us.

[Kimberly Anne]

Such a lovely essay, expressive of deep and resonant truths. That said, I have a problem. Not with anything you wrote, as I happen to agree with nearly all of it. My quandary is this - how do you know what sacrifice is to be made?

In some cases, this is fairly clear and straightforward - moving across country and paring down your possessions, as Sarah said. Not easy, necessarily, but simple to see and grasp.

But in the cases where the steps to take are not so clear, what then? How do you know if the choice you make is the right one? How do you know which direction to turn, what to keep and what to leave behind?

It seems whenever I ask for guidance, I get jumbles of ideas and images, and I can't tell which is my neurotic self, and which is the Goddess (or the Goddess within me). How do you find the truth in the clutter of living?

[Cosette]

Great post. I've been coming to terms with the concept of sacrifice over the last three years. Gaining a better understanding of it, embracing it, and performing sacrifices more consciously has definitely enriched my spiritual practice and helped me move forward.

[Dani]

Dianne -
I couldn't help thinking of you when I saw this on CNN this morning:

Monster spider web spun in Texas - CNN.com

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/08/30/spider.web.ap/index.html

[Sia]

Not that it matters, but somehow Denise's comment was posted as mine with a link to her site, and my comment was posted as hers' with link to my site. (Comments on 8.29)

Nice site, Denise!

Sia Vogel