Time, Time, Time - See What's Become of Me

I'm poking my nose out of my cave, scenting the air--I don't see my shadow.  I hope that means Fall will be early this year.

I realize I've been scarce lately; the last couple of weeks have been, to be frank, a descent to a very special level of hell usually reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.  Thanks to supportive friends and Forest laboratories (ah, the irony), my condition is improving slowly but steadily, but truthfully my spiritual life has suffered a crushing blow and is staggering around like a one-legged ballerina who just went three rounds with Rocky Balboa.

In times like these I find ritual far too draining, and most magic beyond my capability.  My chakras are limping in place, and all their available energy is devoted to keeping me going; in times like these, you may find, the best you can do is be gentle with yourself, and pray. 

If you're angry at God, say so; if you're lonely, give the Goddess every inch of your howling misery.  If you feel empty, pray your emptiness.  If you find yourself laughing, lift up your laughter.  You may not be able to hear the answer now, but you are heard.  You are always heard. 

In the meantime, while I wait for the Goddess Seratonin to get off Her duff and muster the Rohirrim, I've also been doing the following:

~ Reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which I thought was good but not fantastic

~ Watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which I loved (damn but Dan Radcliffe is turning out to be one good-looking hunk of wizard)

~ Re-reading Eat, Pray, Love and dreaming of God and pasta

~ Enjoying the endless rain, which dried up just in time for Lammas, leaving Texas to its usual upper-90's scorching August

~ Watching The Golden Girls on DVD

~ Listening to Vienna Teng

~ Continuing my quest for the perfect vegan chocolate chip cookie recipe

Last week I also cooked an Indian feast for my closest friends, in honor of one of the most amazing women I know: Laurie, whom I have known since fifth grade.  Years ago she followed the call of her God and moved with her husband to the Czech Republic, where she now teaches English, climbs rocks, and explains America.  Laurie has always been an inspiration to me, and as much as I miss her, I'm grateful that she has the chance to do what she loves in the service of the Divine.  Love you lots, sweetie.  Have a safe trip.  Neville the Frog says "Ribbit!"

Again, I can't guarantee I'll be back to a regular posting schedule just yet, but I will make every effort.

Comments

[Mary]

It's good to "hear your voice" again. Remember that you're not alone in this. Keep reaching out as you can, and feel that the love is always there!

[foxchild]

The one thing that we all have a tendency to forget when going through times like these is to quit worrying so much about the rest of the world and take care of our own needs. So, take care of yourself. Find your healing. Your faithful readers will still be here when you are ready.

[Beth]

It is good to hear from you again. I have been worrying a little which is strangesince we have never actually met but there you have it. Take care of yourself. Take your time. As the the last commenter said we will be here when you are ready.

[R]

I stop by, oh, about daily, to see if you've written but that is just to say that we are missing your amazing voice and insights. I know it's easy to brush that off in these dark times but just remember that we are thinking of you. Oh, and of the perfect vegan chocolate chip cookie.

[Sara]

I have always relied on your blogs. Sitting in my comfortable non-commenting silence, I've turned to you and your beautiful words in my darkest and brightest times. From the moment I discovered The Circle Within in the severely neglected new age section of my local bookstore, I knew that it was you who could put to words the things that I felt and needed to hear. And now in your time of darkness please hear this from me, your words have changed my life and saved my soul. If it wasn't for the things I read from you, I would be in a very dark place. Thank you, from the bottom of my scarred but still beating heart.

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."

-Agatha Christie (My favorite quote)

[mariele]

Let us blog you for a while - it's about time! Long time ago - and many, many 12 step meetings ago, I read a story that changed my life. It goes (loose version)

A man is thrown into a dungeon cell for some crime he committed (the crime isn't important). He's told by his keeper that there is a way out of his hell hole, but he'll have to find it for himself.

He is in a dungeon well beneath the earth. From his cell he can see - if he really cranes his neck- a glimmer of light coming from the grate above his head. The rest of the cell is black in darkness. A thick foreboding darkness and he can't even see the hand infront of his face. For years he devises ways to reach the grate, but, if he did he was sure he could pull himself through the grate openings.

He dies in the dungeon. His body is found his fingernails torn and bleeding from trying to claw the walls to freedon. As his keepers open the cell to clean it out, a shaft of light enters the void - and low and behold there at the extreme back of the cell, a place so immersed in darkness you could only barely see the faint image of a door in the wall - a door that opened into a light filled tunnel and freedom.

So, the moral of the story is.....

Be well, sleep tight.

[Bren]

hope to see you back to your old self soon, Sylvan.

xoxo
Claire deLune

[Ganga]

I have been asking the Lord and Lady through this difficult time. I am new to your website. I found it after I read your books which I greatly enjoy, especially your sense of humor and putting things right out there! I hope to learn from you to do this as well - keep a balance of humor and honesty in my life. I thank you for being there for me in the form of books and website. With Love and Blessings -- Ganga

[Ganga]

I have been praying to the Lord and Lady for your improved health and well being. It's hard to deal with health challenges and to see them as opportunities for growth, self-compassion as well as compassion for others. Sending you love and blessings and thanks for you wonderful website and books! Ganga