Sister Moon Lodge Seeks Pie

For the next few entries, I’m going to do what feels right to me to do, and what will no doubt squick out a good many people.  I’m going to talk about my period.

That’s right.  My period.  Menstruation.  My euphemism.  Falling to the Communists, Surfing the Crimson Tide, Riding the Cotton Pony, Seducing Vampires, Being Up on Blocks in the Yard, The Eve of St. Menses, Aunt Flo, my Special Visitor, and so on, and so forth.  I am a bleeding woman, and this bleeding woman is tired of pretending she doesn’t bleed; being a writing bleeding Pagan woman, I have a forum for my insanity, and that forum is this blog. 

I talked about bleeding at some length in The Body Sacred, and I’ll try not to repeat myself too terribly much, but there are a few things I’d like to get off my chest (or out of my pants) and what better place to do it than a body-positive, Earth-spirituality blog? 

For example, I am bleeding today, and I had to go to work even though my belly was twisted in cramps and my back ached.  I couldn’t get comfortable in my office chair, and every time I stood up, well…ladies, you know the GOOSH!!! I was nauseated and hungry and my IBS was at a fever pitch, and I thought to myself, “My Kingdom for a Moon Lodge.”

No doubt you’ve read the accounts of native or other “primitive” societies in which menstruating women separated themselves from their clan and went to live in a special sanctuary, kept apart from their daily responsibilities and contact with men.  Song, meditation, crafts, and gentle natural remedies for pain were the prescription in these Moon Lodges, and when a cycle had run its course a woman purified herself and rejoined the clan. 

Now, granted, most of these Moon Lodge type things were created at least as much out of fear of women’s power as a respect for women’s bodies.  There was a pervasive fear of menstrual blood coming into contact with any men’s belongings, and to touch a bleeding woman was to become as unclean as she was. 

Whatever their purpose, however, I am a proponent of reclaiming the sacred tradition of women’s mysteries, and creating our own Moon Lodges, or Red Tents, or Mad Cow Barns, or whatever we want to call them. 

In my personal utopia participation in the Moon Lodge would be strictly voluntary, not a requirement of a sexist paradigm terrified of menstrual blood.  I think women should at least be allowed one day per month off from jobs, responsibilities, and everything, to curl up and howl or read or meditate or whatever their bodies demand. 

In the interest of fairness I suppose men should get an equivalent day--the only problem is, men would be free to go do whatever they liked on their day off while women would be nursing cramps and trying not to kill anyone.  In my utopia, men would understand that being a woman requires a Moon Lodge, and women would understand that sometimes men need a day or two to curl up and howl for their own reasons, and it wouldn't be a question of sexism or patriarchy but one of people being compassionate toward one another and other warm, fuzzy concepts like that.

In the meantime, many of the Witchy women I know have their own Moon Lodge sort of system, which they apply to whatever degree they are able each month.  Some of us are lucky enough to be able to withdraw for several days, and some of us use up sick days or vacation, and some of us struggle through work with gritted teeth and then lock the door and turn off the phone as soon as we get home. 

Still others don't acknowledge their blood at all except as an annoyance--they try as hard as they can to forget or deny that they have periods, and treat the whole thing as the Curse of Eve even though by all rights we Pagans should have a better attitude about our bodies and our rhythms. 

Society is hard to outwit, however.  Commercials for women's products want us to believe that we can ride horses and play tennis and be as "normal" (read:  like men) as any other time of the month.  And while that's true to an extent--our periods don't turn us into infantile invalids like the Victorian literature insisted, and we're not "sick" the way our mothers say--women who are deeply in tune with their bodies tend to feel a change in their energy, their spiritual connection and psychic ability, and their overall desire to speak in tongues and shag their lovers rotten when the Moon speaks.

The older I get the stronger my tides hold sway, and I find that I can't ignore it, can't just grit my teeth and muddle onward without some sort of acknowledgment that I, too, am a woman who bleeds. 

Modern medicine does some amazing things, but it also tends to do one thing that makes my skin crawl:  it treats menstruation and pregnancy, two perfectly natural biological processes that happen to nearly all women, as disorders.  Giving birth is now a surgical procedure, not a miracle; bleeding is an illness to be treated.  It's no wonder Midol and its ilk are such huge sellers. 

I grew up with mind-numbing cramps that made me pass out and throw up every month, so I take a dim view of that "make friends with your body and all your period problems will just disappear" nonsense that some well-meaning Goddess-y writers spout off.  That attitude, the opposite of the "it's a sickness" approach, nevertheless feeds into the "it's all in your head" nonsense that the medical profession tried to cram down women's throats before PMS was acknowledged as an actual problem rather than mere "hysteria."  It seems that doctors can only take an extreme position:  either it's all in our heads, or we absolutely MUST take birth control pills to reduce or eliminate our periods altogether.

I was on Depo Provera for two years and didn't have a period at all for nearly three.  I nearly went insane.  Something about not bleeding when I knew I should be made me feel...wrong.  Terribly wrong.  So wrong I wanted to claw my skin off.  Not to mention the sixty pounds I put on.

That experience was enough to make me distrust Western medicine.  All those advertisements and doctors made it sound as if losing my period was the most natural thing in the world, and would simplify my life so completely, how could I not give it a shot?  A pregnancy scare convinced me to try the shot, but hearing the horror stories of other women who had lived on the drug and had even worse adverse effects than mine scared me right back off.  Pills, too, wreaked havoc with my emotional stability, my weight, my sanity. 

Finally I came to the highly unpopular decision that unless I was in a relationship and concerned about preventing procreation, I wasn’t going to take anything that could screw up my cycle.  It took years for it to normalize, which is a little scary considering how many chemicals must have been in my body all that time even after I quit the pills. 

Lucky for me, my sexual partners since then have either been infertile or comfortable with condoms.  (I worry more about pregnancy than disease, as I am very particular about whom I sleep with, and I’ll leave it at that.)  I’ve been able to experience my natural cycle without hormonal intervention, which is also lucky, as I know many women who have had cysts and fibroids and all manner of hell visited upon their bodies.  I know I’m lucky; though I still get debilitating pain and depression, at least I don’t half bleed to death every month and I don’t end up in the Emergency Room. 

Strangely, despite all my body issues over the years, my period has never been the source of disgust for me that it is for so many women.  It’s been an inconvenience, sure, and there are times I’ve prayed either for it to arrive (pregnancy scare) or to hurry up and go (impending nooky), but for the most part, that part of my womanhood has been something I could understand and accept. 

It’s hokey to say so, but when I bleed I feel a connection to all the other women in the world who are also bleeding at the same time; when I mention to my mother that I’m on my period and she says, “Oh, so is your sister-in-law,” I get a faint chill down my spine, a magical charge.  One of the things that got to me most about the Festival of the Goddess was that, as it was run by and attended by women, all the restrooms had tampons and pads in great supply, out where anyone could find them and use them without having to ask or dig around.  It thrilled me.  Whatever else women may have in common or not, we have this much we share—pink wrappers, heating pads, a coppery smell, and chocolate chips eaten right out of the bag. 

You would think we’d talk about it more.

I also feel much more connected to my body and to the Earth Herself when I am bleeding; I feel like the deep animal nature of my human body wakes grumpily from her slumber and makes her wishes known.  She is an Elemental creature of comfort:  she wants soup, blankets, warmth, music.  She wants pie. She wants long naps in dark rooms, and she wants the cat curled up on her feet. 

Thus, I construct my personal Moon Lodge, even if it’s only for a night:  I curl up either in bed or in the Death Star in the living room, bundled in blankets and warm pajamas, with my heating pad on my back or belly, my iPod plugged securely into my ears or a good movie on the DVD player, with hot cocoa or Yogi Women’s Moon Cycle tea, and Cosmo the Unfamiliar purring contentedly in his Animal Mama’s lap.  I speak less, I listen more.  Threads of intuitive energy reach me, and I read them without effort.  The future falls from my lips even before the Runes fall from my fingers.  I dig down and burrow into myself, and I wait, and I bleed. 

Next post, I’ll give some more practical advice on how to have a “happy period” without having to buy anything from those idiotic commercials.  Does anyone really expel bright blue fluid from their bodies?  If so, there’s something wrong with my uterus.

Comments

[Rachel]

With a year of pregnancies and now nursing my son, I'm long overdue for a period. There is a general, daily ache that I have and I can't help but think that bleeding would fix everything and make me feel much, much better. I never would have imagined I'd miss those crampy, hormonal days.

[Thalia]

(That's right; Typepad and Safari don't get along. Let's try it with that otherwise useless browser, i i e e e for Mac, to give it the Tori Amos spelling):

Well here's a chill for you: I've got mine now.

I have been on hormonal birth control for a while (for other reasons, and they're the only thing that seems to work for me for what I'm taking them for) and they make my period so much less painful and uncomfortable and predictable for me. I can't say I miss any of that, either. I don't know; maybe I'm not a good Pagan, because even when my cycle was completely "natural" I never felt "connected" to any of that moon stuff. Just not my thing, I guess. Actually I'm more likely to feel connected on the BC pills, since it evens out my "cycle" to line up with the moon.

[Ariadne]

I'm struggling with early onset menopause, at 36. Likely I won't stop bleeding for a couple of years, and I'm not yet having hot flashes, but just about everything else about it is awful. They put me on BC pills to "fix" the hormones (admittedly at my own request), and to stop my period. Well, it didn't work. In the past six months, I have spent less than 30 days NOT bleeding. No, I'm not threatening to kill people anymore, nor am I spending entire days sobbing in my bedroom with the door locked, but... is this really better? Bleh.

[Angela]

I was thinking that a little room or walk-in closet would be a great Moon Lodge when my husband and I begin looking for a new house. Just a little place to hole up in and be warm and quiet and dark.

[Pamo]

I've got mine, too! I love that I can practically set my watch to it, thanks to the Ortho-Tricyclin. Having spent 10 years with blinding cramps, I also really appreciate barely needing a tylenol anymore. But no matter what chemical is coursing through my system "normalizing" everything, my body still needs to be in bed that first day. I need to rest and dream, and then get up and make french toast.

[Celeste Bradford]

Amen sista!
I say-let's talk about all the nitty gritty details of goddess/womanhood.

I lost my period while on the pill and was told by several gynos that is was ok and nothing was wrong. Hello?!? I was going insane. Bleeding, for all it's ickiness or pain or whatever is part of being a woman. I finally found a gyno who is off the insurance grid who listened. But I am no longer on the pill. My blood is more important than wild unprotected sex with my husband.

I crave rest, yummy food and nothing too challenging to think about as I get foggy.

Blessings to all bleeding and non-bleeding women!

Celeste
www.goddesstalk.net

[Emily Reeder]

I've been struggling with all sorts of hormone related problems since puberty. Intense pain and extremely heavy bleeding for 8 days was my norm in high school. Then my family doctor put me on the pill. I felt better, a lot better. Then my migraines started. Blinding pain, worse then the worst period I'd ever had. Despite this, from age 17-22 I was on birth control and migraine medicine. Then, my birth control ran out and I thought to myself, hmmm maybe I'll make a go without it. And lo and behold, my migraines were gone, poof. Unfortunately, so were my periods. I haven't had one since August. So back to the gyno I went. Turns out I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. A nasty little hormone disorder that causes me to have way too much male hormone, and to not ovulate, and to be fat and have LOTS of facial hair. And turns out I've had it all my life, but it was somewhat fixed by the birth control. So now I'm on meds to force me to have a period (and they are yucky) and then go back on birth control. And so the cycle starts again...

[splatalie]

I'm on my third type of BC, and I have to say, I really like it. I did try the 4 periods a year thing and that absolutely did not work out. Not only did I keep on having periods at random times throughout the three month packs, it made me incredibly depressed.
I like BC because before I was on it, I was not regular in the slightest. I had been, but then, when I was about to turn 17, things changed. I would go without a period for 50 days, then 13, then 26. It bounced around like that for about a year before I did anything about it.
Now I'm regular (which feels good) and I don't have anymore cramps and I have noticeably less PMS.
Anyways, I've been reading your blog for awhile now because it's absolutely great. (Reading Prozac and Polar Bears when I did was absolutely a life saver.) So I thought I'd say hi. *waves*

[Liz]

I am 35 and have been on BC pills for...15 years. I never suffered much in the way of cramps, but I'd get PMS that would have me crying for no reason, then switching to insane laughter before the tears even dried, then back again. I still get a bit moody right before, and if I'm already talking to an annoying person I will snap. I also get lower back pain about a week to a few days before. When my period hits, and it's always a friggin Friday (!) I get bloated. Thankfully it only lasts till Monday. It's fairly light, but the past couple of years has become heavy for the first day or so and I have lots of cramping (though not as bad as a lot of women) - that's a new development and I wonder what's up? I kind of like it though. I know, call me crazy, but it makes me feel more connected, to the Goddess and to other women. My period comes every 28 days like clockwork so I'm not in sync with the Moon cycles. I admit, I am on the pill because I hate condoms (I've been with the same man nearly 3 years, so I just need birth control) and don't want to have to bother with anything else. It's easy. I think we need to be able to talk about it more. I mention it to my SO sometimes he's like "Ewww, didn't need to know that." Sometimes we have sex even when I've got my period, though I know most people avoid it. I live with SO and his 4 year old daughter (her birth mother passed away when she was 1) and I look forward to sharing Women's Mysteries with her, though I expect some stress with regard to what is age-appropriate or not. She's already taken my tampon holder out of my purse and asked about them. I simply say it's something women use and that someday I'll tell her about it and try to change the subject.

[Luna]

Thanks so much for this. I have really liked the BC pills, (like others here, I've been with my SO for over 3 years), but I wish I could have a more positive overall response to my period. I love the idea of a moon lodge, and I really wish employers would allow women to take days off. I get screaming migraines during my period in a very predictable pattern. If I catch the migraine when it's in its "aura" stage, I can take enough migraine medication to stop it, but if I'm seriously a minute or two too late, I will take the meds for nothing and be in pain for at least 24 hours. The headaches are definitely worse with stress. I teach, so in the summer, when I'm less likely to be stressed, I sometimes don't have a period migraine or manage it so well that I am hardly affected. I have found that I have to restrict my alcohol and caffeine during that time. I also try to eat bland food and restrict my sugar intake -- basically, I try to help my body cleanse. Really, if I just do nothing, lay down in a dark room, I'm much better off. But I can't do that at work, and I can really only take one or two days max per semester. I find that I dread my period for this reason -- how much better I and probably other women would feel if we were allowed by our society to follow our own nature and go within during this time.

[Kay]

A message for Thalia. Re early onset menopause symptoms. I had something similar happen a couple of years ago and I went to see a homeopath. She sorted me out in one session and periods and flushing are very much under control. When symptoms return I just go and see her. For me it works out that I see her two or 3 times a year.