Adventures of a Diatribal Priestess

Mind-altering substances, even the kind sanctioned by a licensed medical professional, are not to be trifled with.  The power of the chemicals we so cavalierly put in our bodies these days is truly frightening, when you think about it--a single pill taken every day for a month can turn you into a completely different person, keep you alive, keep you out of pain...and taken with the wrong things, even just one or two in combination, can very easily kill you, as the recent loss of Heath Ledger illustrates. 

My heart still breaks over his death--he was truly talented, and just barely beginning his real career after finally choosing to play roles that meant something instead of being just another ruggedly hot face.   Every time I think of the final line of Brokeback Mountain I get tears in my eyes, and despite the eerie undertones that no doubt shadow his last performance, I can't wait to see The Dark Knight.

I wouldn't presume to compare my own experiences with his, but I can say that I know quite intimately how the effects of even something as seemingly benign as an antidepressant can toss the boat of your mind around in a tempest of emotions and leave you functioning, yes, but also weary and raw.

The last few weeks here at Sylvan have been rather hellish.  I won't go on about the details--the short-short version is that adjustments to my meds were required, and the subsequent side effects came dangerously close to the crisis point.  I won't say that all is well now, but I thought it was time I at least gave some form of update, since bloggers tend to vanish from their kingdoms and never return, and I don't want to be one of those once-a-month fair-weather writers.  My intention here has always been to write about my life as a Wiccan for better or worse, and at the moment I think life qualifies as "worse," but I waited until things started looking up at least a little before reporting in so that I wouldn't get three hundred frantic emails telling me to put down the gun.  Don't worry, I'm still here.

Now, onto a bit of business.

I was a bit taken aback by the response to my post on priorities, also known as "Witch, Please."  I had no idea a fit of spiritual pique would resonate with so many people, Pagan and otherwise.  As I've said before, feel free to post links to any post you see here; in most cases I permit short quotes but not full-on reproductions of posts, but this once I'll make an exception.  You are welcome to repost that piece as long as it is credited © 2008 by Dianne Sylvan, and a link back to this site is provided.  You don't have to ask me, nor do you have to ask just to link to any of my work. 

I also thought it was interesting that a number of people thought the post was aimed at "fluff bunnies," which incidentally is a term I hate almost as much as I hate "Neo-Wicca."  (The latter being used mainly as a pejorative, usually used by traditionalists to distinguish themselves from "those people" and almost never used by anyone to describe themselves.  Wicca is less than a century old.  It's all Neo.)  In truth, the post was inspired by my experiences with the online community, especially "longtime" Wiccans who use the anonymity of the internet forum to spew their spite and superiority all over seekers and anyone unfortunate enough to ask a dumb question.  There is far too much posturing and bickering in the Community and not nearly enough actual religion. 

My conclusion:  there is nothing spiritual about an asshole.    The vocabulary words and trappings make no difference.  If your faith has not helped you become a better person and helped you live a more joyful life, you're doing it wrong.

Wicca is not a way to make yourself feel smarter than Christians.  It's not a role-playing game.  It's not a hobby.  It's not an excuse to lord your Phenomenal Cosmic Powers over mere mortals.  Honestly, people.  Stop using our religion as a weapon and a crutch.  Claiming to practice a religion whose essence is a relationship with the natural world and then refusing to grow is not only bad for you, it's an insult to those of us who are here for the work as well as the reward. 

We're human.  We stumble, we fall.  We ask dumb questions and give dumb answers.  We look for the easy way out and find it's not any easier in the long run.  We're fallible.  We get on our high horse (obviously) and trot around town with our willies hanging out.  But most importantly, we grow.  We change.  We pick up the pieces and make something new from them.  We take the tomatoes life throws at us and make bloody marys.  That, to me, is the beauty of the human race, and the only thing that keeps me from giving up on us at times:  we have the capacity to do anything, and we can always, always do better.

This is why I write about the things I write about, and parade my skeletons around for all to see, even though it probably leads a lot of people to think I'm a basket case or hypocrite or whatever.  Meh.  Think what you like.  The important thing is that everyone reading this blog knows that I'm trying.  I have a lot of knowledge, yes, and a lot of experience, but I'm every bit as screwed up as anyone else trying to walk this path, and I can be mule-headed and feather-brained and a bit of an asshole myself.  I have a way with words and a lot of opinions, and I come up with cool ideas I want to share.  I've been a Wiccan for fourteen years, and the fact that my life is not perfect should tell you two things:  one, this path ain't for wusses; and two, for all our faults and foibles, we all have the potential to do something wonderful--author, priestess, accountant, secretary, Witch, ditch digger, president, every single one of us has work to do in this Earthwalk. 

So get off your ass and do it. 

I'll be right beside you.

Comments

[Merrilyn]

Excellent post.

[rebelleink]

I'm sorry to hear you have been having such a rough time. Though glad to hear you are doing better. I am new-ish to this blog and have not (yet) read your books so perhaps I have missed it, but where did you get the term Earthwalk? I have not come across that before and it's cool.

peace and joy

[Heath]

Dianne,

Every time I come to your site I find much-needed wisdom. You are so spot-on! Though things may seem crappy now, and I know you know this, those are the times that make us strong, allow us to realize when things are good (or more enjoyable, it's really all good because it is learning and growing) and give us the motivation to move forward and grow and blossom.
As for "Witch, please", I shared it with a Buddhist friend and he loved it, too. Fluffy? Maybe, but again, spot-on. Wicca is real; the Gods are real; we are real. RPG and Renn Fests are fantasies and just for fun. People who use their religion as a weapon (you are so inside my head sometimes with what you write) are all the same whether they go to a church or meet in a grove. Bless them all, for they are here for a reason, too. Who am I to judge? But, I can pray they grow past it and learn what they are here to learn- or I can just mind my own business and know that the Goddess knows what I do and learn... It is wonderful and confusing all at the same time. Oy.
BLESSED BE! YOU ARE SO GROOVY!

[Cat]

"There is nothing spiritual about an asshole!"

AMEN!!!

I knew someone who was so slammed in A&J that she was completely turned off Wicca altogether. The constant refrain of "We're the Craft of the Wise, not the Craft of the Nice" made her want to vomit.

[Vi]

Thank you so much for your posts. Many healing thoughts to you...I appreciate hearing about the better and worse...it is a sweet reminder that we are all human and interconnected. I keep thinking during my own hellish period...how I respond to this is what I have power in. Your response is beautiful. Blessings to you.

[Kate]

I wonder if all bloggers suddenly get inspired, stop whatever they're doing, and stumble over the sleeping cat to get to the computer before the idea fades. Maybe it's just me. After a furious writing frenzy, not even stopping when previously mentioned kitty insists upon sitting on the keyboard as I typed, I clicked on the RSS feed and Yay! New post for Sylvan!

Then I have to chuckle that we both used the "crutch" word on the same day. I swear I didn't peek at yours first!

These kinds of coincidences, particularly the writing ones, fatten my belief in astrological inclinations. We never truly go through anything alone, even in our thoughts.

Love your blogs and books, btw. Looking forward to more!

[Jo]

I have just found your blog, thanks to a link to "Witch, Please," and I love it! I can't wait to read more. I really liked the last line of this post. We're all in this together. Sometimes, it helps to remember that. :-)

[Ganga]

Hope you are healing more with each day. Your comments are refreshing and right on and make me laugh, ponder, and then move ahead on my path.

Thanks again and again for turning me on to Krishna Das's CDs! (I have 4 now!) My grandson, age 2, who lives with us loves his bhajans and wants to listen to them while eating and whenever we're in the kitchen cooking or doing chores! We even dance about feeling quite estatic!

Thanks for the reminder about we are all in this together. I do tend to be a bit critical from time to time in my thinking, so a good wake up call is much appreciated!

[Danmara]

(((Dianne)))

I don't know what it is with depression these days. Everyone has it. I swear, it's a mental flu or something.

I too am just coming out of a bad case and am still not 100%. I broke...but in breaking I realized just how strong I was and just how far I've come. I hope you come to realize just how strong you are.

Sending good thoughts your way!!!

[Cici]

Wow. I stopped by your blog on accident. You are a really inspiring person :D Keeping doing what u're doing.

[Aquari]

Wiccans who use the anonymity of the internet forum to spew their spite and superiority all over seekers and anyone unfortunate enough to ask a dumb question.

Hear now the charge of the Pagan Forum, for ignorance of this (or anything else) will be held against you:

Do not ask questions about factual information; if your first impulse when perplexed is to ask for help, rather than research the answer yourself, you lack the self-sufficiency needed to be a pagan.

Do not ask questions about personal experiences; a person's spirituality is far too private to talk about, even in an online forum dedicated to such things.

Do not ask questions about magic; if you were competent to do magic you wouldn't need to be told how to do magic.

Neither affirm the validity of anything Gerald Gardner said, for you will be considered a gullible fool; nor deny it, for then you are disrespecting the beliefs of others.

And above all, do not ask for comfort. Do not bring us your worries, your alienation, your spiritual upheavals, your loneliness; we are not here to hold your hand. Actually, once you eliminate all of the above, we're not quite sure what we are here for. What room does total self-sufficiency leave for community?

For you will be shunned as beneath contempt, if you do not know the Mystery: what you cannot do for yourself, you don't deserve to have at all.

< /snark>

That's why I got fed up with online paganism.

[Pax]

Dianne,

Thanks, as always, for your wit and words. I've posted a copy of "Witch, Please." to my own blog, with copyright notice and links to your blog.

Peace,
Pax

[coolmary]

Hi there! I'm just writing to say what a delight it is to read your post especially regarding depression.
I think I have had this ailment forever and for the last few years I've been on medication, which increased my weight and added to the depression. Also, for the last year I've tried to be a good Wiccan, but I think I'll just read your books, which one is good to start with, any suggestions. I think you are cool too!

[coolmary]

OOopps! sorry Pax