Sacrilege

When your doctor says to you, "this medication may make you photosensitive," you really should take her words to heart. 

I returned from SpringFest a day early and spent Sunday and Monday sick as a dog from a lovely combination of heat exhaustion, menstrual cramps, and sunburn bad enough to blister three days later.  Ever since then, any time the sun falls on my skin, I immediately become nauseated.  Basically, Lexapro is turning me into a vampire.

Awesome.

Nothing has ever felt as wonderful as the shower I took Saturday night, except perhaps for my bed immediately afterward. 

Far from the spiritual-sisterhood type experience I was hoping for, the festival ended up making me feel more like a very short nun at a penguin shoot.  I've had worse festival experiences, but they involved things like fire ants in my sleeping bag, tornadoes, or sexual assault. 

I mention this not to garner sympathy, but to address an issue I feel strongly about now that I have finally admitted to myself what I have, at heart, known all along.

I really hate camping.

Cabins.  I love cabins. I love to hike among the trees, sit and read on a rock beside a burbling creek, sit out around a fire looking at the stars and practicing Mallowmancy with a bag of giant Jet-Puffed marshmallows.  But when all is said and done, I want to sleep in a real bed, shower with hot water, and wake up warm and dry and comfortable, without huge rocks in my back, spiders on my head, or gale force winds trying to carry me off in my tent to the land of Oz. 

Bears have caves.  Squirrels have trees.  Birds have nests.  And I have a Simmons Beautyrest pillowtop in a second-floor apartment with central air and a bottle of margaritas in the fridge.

Texas is a stupid place to camp after May.  It's ludicrous.  Now, in March and October, you hit absolutely perfect camping weather, although you still need SPF5000; but the good weather alone doesn't make up for the rest, in my opinion. 

It's a sign of my maturation, I think, that I'm finally reaching the point where what "everyone" does earns a big "fuck a bunch of that" from me if it doesn't resonate with me personally.  For years I've tried to force myself to love Pagan festivals, to keep giving them chances, hoping that some of the great experiences I've heard of people having would rub off on me. 

At first it was because I felt that my track record was bad.  Who wouldn't be jaded against large gatherings after what happened to me in 2001?  Totally understandable.  A year or so later, I decided to start going back to the smaller events, to get my feet wet.  Since then I've been to big festivals and small ones, from twenty people to five hundred, and they've pretty much all sucked.

No, that's not fair.  The festivals themselves do not suck.  Spring GoddessFest, for example, is put on by some wonderful women that I am very fond of, and every effort is made to make it a good time for attendees.  One of the organizers, a midwife and all around amazing human being, came to our camp armed with tinctures of dong quai and motherwort to try and help with my crippling cramps on Saturday (which helped enough that I was ambulatory for a few hours).  They are truly kind and considerate women and a credit to their path.  If you ask almost any other woman who was there, including my campmates, by and large you'll get glowing reviews of the weekend.

It's definitely me.  And the thing is, I know I'm not the only one who feels like festivals are vastly overrated, but much like bisexuality and Angelina Jolie, saying you aren't into camping immediately marks you as some kind of Nature-hating prude who's just not getting it, or worst of all, you're not a "real Pagan."

To that I say, while pain can be a spiritual experience, misery pretty much never is, at least not for me.  I am not going to relax enough to go with the festival flow if I feel like French roasted monkey poo.  If I'm terrified for my safety I'm certainly not going to be moved by any ritual or workshop I attend.  And me and large crowds?  Not good bedfellows, especially not right now.  I'm still in pretty hardcore hermit mode coming out of this latest bout with depression, and I don't see that part fixing itself any time soon.  I am an introvert.  A small groups person.  Subjecting myself to circumstances that I know will make me miserable is no way to connect with the Elements. 

And it's going to take an act of God Herself to get me to sleep in a tent again.

One of these days when I have the money and the vacation time I'm going to try PantheaCon--a Pagan festival in California that's held in a hotel.  Hell yeah!  Now that is my kind of festival.  Decent food, real beds, and porn pay-per-view. 

One of these days, maybe.

In the meantime, while everyone else is sweating their pentacles off and running around with sunburned scrota and poison ivy crotch, I'll be sipping an iced mocha latte and counting my blessings.

Comments

[KaiDaragh]

My vote is with you! I like running water (from the tap) and being comfy. Give me a hotel room and then I will hike and other various camping activities with the best of them.

[Ash]

The retreats/intensives I do with the Reclaiming always have the option of cabins, which is really nice. I don't think I could do camping. I will say that the local festival to me is a hotel festival. I do think it loses a little something not being out in nature, but it is a very comfortable venue.

[Docwitch]

Oh yes. I have to agree with everything you've said here. Everything. Whenever I tell people I'm not into camping, their responses are tinged with pity and disbelief. They conclude I must be very uptight.

Well, I am uptight about having a nice, warm shower and comfortable bed - without snakes, scorpions, bull ants and mozzies.

Camping in the Texas summer, sounds a whole lot like camping in an Australian summer. And frankly, as you so eloquently put it, "fuck a bunch of that".

[s1ren]

Hon, I will personally slap anyone who says you're not in touch with nature - I've seen you walking in the woods and talking to trees and aminals. You don't have to like camping if you don't want to. Truth be told, the older I get, the less camping appeals to me - which is why I only do it twice a year. You do whatever you want to. :o)

"sweating their pentacles off"

ROFL!! :D

[Angela Raincatcher]

Sing it, sister! I don't do tents anymore. The festivals I try to make here have cabins, and we have a couple of medium-sized hotel conferences.

[Racu]

You might remember, as we were sitting there sweating our pentacles off (or perhaps it was nekkid in the pool), that I said if we were any kind of goddesses at all, we'd be put up in the Hilton.

I'm no fan of camping, either. There are a few advantages if you are in fact going to attend such a festival, the cost of gas and early rising times for day-tripping being chief among them. Being able to skinny-dip and move around your camp or the showers in any state of undress is another. I'm not one of the ones who would walk all over naked, but having the opportunity to let it be a choice was very liberating.

I do however, applaud your decision and the fact that you MADE a decision and didn't let any sort of group pressure make you miserable. As a redhead who has NEVER done well in the heat...I'm wondering if I should make the same decision ;) After all, I gave up the SCA based largely on having to camp in Texas in the heat (medieval or ren costumes being a value-added feature).

Sitting under the biggest sky in the world, gazing at the stars with you till the wee hours, however, is something I'll remember for a long time...so if you DO choose to go to another festival, my McMansion tent is always open. And s1ren is absolutely right on and I'll join her in that slappage.

*giant hugs and snooglage*

[Sondra]

I love camping but don't like the festivals. Like you I prefer a small group of people that I feel comfortable with. The festivals just aren't my thing.
Now maybe because I live in New Englad where the mountains are the most beautiful place to camp. Of course I also have an awesome blow up mattress ( I swear the ground is harder now than it was when I was a kid)! A small group of us go up for a long weekend, hike, swim in the mountain streams and have the best food...not burnt hotdogs and hamburgers for us, we plan ahead!
Anyway, I think you should follow your feelings and stop doing the things you feel other people think you should do! Honey you are so much stronger than that and we all know you are awesome for just being who you are!

[Pyrola]

It sounds exactly like me. I used to be a scout. Now I'm not. I hate tents. I hate not being able to stand up while dressing/undressing. I hate waking up in a sauna every morning (sun shining on tent = warm tent). I'll take a cabin any day, but really, I prefer going to our summer house in the archipelago. We have it all - kitchen, shower, toilet. As well as an awesome view and a seaside sauna. Perfect.

[angela]

wow tenting it when you're on your period...that takes guts!

[Amanda]

Hmm, I think you need a *very gentle hug* lol. I don't mind camping, but sometimes it'd be nice to have those little comforts (like proper bloody bathrooms!). And I agree about the "Oh no! If you don't like sleeping in the dirt and eating bugs you're not a REAL PAGAN(TM)", it's pretty absurd.

Incidentally, I hope you don't mind, but I've added your blog to my blog roll (on http://elfmage.wordpress.com), since it's one of my favourites :). I don't expect reciprocation or anything, just thought I'd let you know (and I'd be honoured if you take a glance some time!).
Blessings, Amanda

[Danmara]

Girl I would hate camping during my period. LOL tends to suck the fun right out of everything.

I personally LOVE camping, but that's just me. I can totally see why if you love it you love it, if you don't love it you hate it. :D

[theresa]

As someone who did go to Goddessfest, in June's re-donk-u-lous heat, on her period, I feel you. Oh, and did I mention my "tomatoes" are still kinda red... yes, I'm one of those spontaneous gals who jumped in the pool sans clothes and got a sunburn on my boobs.

However, I must say the festival was still wonderful and I'm so sorry I didn't get to meet you.

That said, "spring" to me means april or may...not june. C'est la vie. That swimming pool did save the weekend, even with the pink. :-)

[marielle]

Many months ago I was ejected from a group for "non attendance". Now, perspective here - moi is dealing with degenerative hip disease, a mother who is blind and deaf, and poor Dad is going into dementia. My idea of worship was (still is) let me sit in a comfortable chair, in a quiet AC'ed room and chant.

Now the rub is they were a group of camping fools - probably still are. They were also pagan fundamentalists. If you don't like being outdoors you must not be a good pagan

With hind sight (always 20/20) it was not a good time for me to be in a group. BUT, I have come to learn these truths about myself - solitaires are solitaires for a reason, I like sleeping a a bed, preferably in an AC'ed (or heated) room with tv (cable please) and a loo and bath right next door. And, if I sit on the floor or ground or air mattress I can't get up. And yes, I am a pagan. So stick it.

Thank you Sylvan

[marielle]

Many months ago I was ejected from a group for "non attendance". Now, perspective here - moi is dealing with degenerative hip disease, a mother who is blind and deaf, and poor Dad is going into dementia. My idea of worship was (still is) let me sit in a comfortable chair, in a quiet AC'ed room and chant.

Now the rub is they were a group of camping fools - probably still are. They were also pagan fundamentalists. If you don't like being outdoors you must not be a good pagan

With hind sight (always 20/20) it was not a good time for me to be in a group. BUT, I have come to learn these truths about myself - solitaires are solitaires for a reason, I like sleeping a a bed, preferably in an AC'ed (or heated) room with tv (cable please) and a loo and bath right next door. And, if I sit on the floor or ground or air mattress I can't get up. And yes, I am a pagan. So stick it.

Thank you Sylvan

[Dawn]

I love camping. With the family. NOT with a bunch of Pagans throwing wood on my cooking fire and offending my sensibilities by trying to build three story tall bonfires, violating the rules of the campground and expecting me to help them cover it up, running around flaunting their sexual promiscuity and implying that I'm not a "real Pagan" because I'm shocked or embarrased and getting shitfaced drunk and informing me that I'm too uptight, boring, lame and/or "not a real Pagan" because I don't drink and then insisting that they aren't drunk after I pluck them out of the bonfire and pat out their burning clothes...

No thanks. I will camp with my kids and even some of their friends. Children know how to follow safety rules and will never present me with an uninvited view of their genitals, at least not since they were three or so. Camping with Pagans will probably kill me one day if I keep it up. If I'm not killed by an excessively horny drunken pyromaniac, then I will surely have a heart attack trying to keep them from killing themselves or worrying about how I'm going to convince law enforcement that I have nothing to do with these people when we finally get raided.

[mama kelly]

I love festivals but also hate camping. I got back yesterday from http://womongathering.com which had the blessing of cabins, electricity and running water (though hot water was only gifted to early risers). I found it gave me enough in terms of conveniences that I could survive and not really feel like I was roughing it too much.

I am so sorry that you got so sick from the heat and the sun and can only hope you are feeling better today.

Blessings

[Sarah]

Oh man. There's no way I'd be camping in June in Texas. Come to think of it, I don't know that I'd come anywhere NEAR Texas from about March through October. I enjoy my chilly Michigan summers where we top out around 80-90 degrees with 8,000% humidity. Oh wait...did I say enjoy?

You won't catch me roughing it. The only pagan festival I attend is ConVocation, in the dead of winter. http://convocation.org/

This upcoming year's theme is the Devil Card - From the Shadow to the MountainTop: A Journey Empowered by Your Dark Side. Hmm, I'm in.