G is for Grace

It may be hormones, it may be aftereffects of a surprisingly effective ritual, but regardless, I'm feeling remarkably peaceful and calm tonight.  I felt the same way last night; the contentment faded during the workday, but what may have come across to my coworkers as a slightly grumpy mood was in actuality quiet introspection that didn't want interruption.  I wish I had the freedom to take off for a day or two, and the money to go on a short retreat to be alone with what's going on in my head right now, but again the modern world intervenes.  The closest I have is my incense-wreathed apartment where a small furry projectile is likely to streak headlong into my lap the second I sit down.

(I love being the only human occupant of my home.  I'm an intensely private person and I need to be able to decorate, clean, and scratch whatever itch I like.  Living alone is a luxury to me, and I'm thankful I can afford it.)

Lilith and I have parted company.  There didn't seem to be any bad blood, and after I had finished I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders.  Suddenly I feel free to go where I am called--wherever that is--and hopeful that I will hear that call soon.  In the meantime I've returned to my old ways of prayer, greeting the morning and listening to my body, taking a moment here and there throughout the day to check in and pause to speak to Deity even with a few words.  What a difference a simple ritual and a weekend can make.

I don't mean to present Lilith as some sort of malevolent being with no redeeming qualities--She can teach us a lot about strength, about standing up for ourselves, about refusing to bow down to anyone.  There is purpose and beauty in all aspects of the gods, each one with his or her own role to fulfill in the cosmic dance.  Like any relationship, however, some personalities fit and some clash, and some come into our lives for a short time and then have to go their own way.

When I had done with the farewell portion of the ritual I picked up my battered copy of Phyllis Curott's Witch Crafting, as I knew it had a copy of the Charge of the Goddess in it, and I wanted to read the passage out loud to remind myself why I am here.  Most Pagans have probably been inspired by the Charge at one time or another; it's one of the few pieces of traditional liturgy that 90% of Wiccans agree upon, and its words--regardless of the version--have the ability to evoke the love and Mystery of the Goddess.  I used to have the Charge memorized, but unfortunately time and circumstance have punched a lot of holes in my memory, so I had to find a written copy.  I was sitting out on my balcony with a single candle and figured I'd have to page through the book to find it, but I found myself smiling as the book fell open to exactly the right page.

It's the little things that remind me:  grace is found not only in burning bushes and shattering realizations, but in cups of coffee, the track of a hawk across the sky, the pages of a beloved book.  The love of Deity is in the details as much as in the broad brushstrokes.  It's in furry paws, pink tongues; it's in comfy yoga pants and sautéed asparagus; it's in the lightning and the thunder and the whisper and the sigh.

"I am the gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy unto the hearts of humanity.  Upon Earth I give knowledge of the eternal Spirit, and beyond death I give peace, freedom, and reunion with those who have gone before.  Nor do I demand aught in sacrifice, for behold--I am the Mother of all things, and My love is poured out upon the Earth."¹

I had forgotten.

May it be a long, long time before I forget again.

¹ - Ara Tradition adaptation of the Charge found in Curott's Witch Crafting, p. 142-143.

Comments

[coley]

this post makes me very happy, as I know it has you. :)

[Hecate, Runnymead Conspirator]

YOU GO, GIRL

[Rose]

*super huge grin*

R

[Rose]

*super huge grin*

R

[racu]

Good...I can invite you over without your tagalong showing up and ruining things. ;)

*giant hugs*

[Renee]

wow, this post made me smile. you have such a great way of putting things like this into words. i love the Charge. I have this book and need to read it ... I haven't read it yet.

[R]

So mote it be.