Big Girl, You are Beautiful

People can be real assholes, especially on the internet.

I realize that's the biggest ode to Captain Obvious ever, but still, it surprises me sometimes.

Apparently Fox is making a "reality" dating show about fat people.  It is, as you might expect, called More to Love.  I can hear the jokes erupting all over the country already.  I looked at a post that had pics of the women, and some of them are not that big, and some of them are almost my size, which was pretty cool.  They're all beautiful women.  There's even one with tattoos up both arms (who I'm sure will be booted off the show first). 

But the comments on the post included people shrieking in giant blinking letters, and this is a direct quote, THIN IS WIN!!! and things like, "but they can't be beautiful, they're all fat!" and making jokes about lard and pigs and on and on like there's any joke like that that's a) funny and b) not been told already.

"Thin is win?"  Seriously?

I understand an individual person not finding larger women attractive in general; although I think a lot of the fat = ugly attitude comes from societal pressure more than genuine lack of attraction, saying that a big girl cannot possibly be beautiful just because she's big really makes my blood boil.  There are plenty of health considerations for large people, but beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. 

The hilarious (and by hilarious I mean depressing) thing is, it's not men making these comments, it's women.  Skinny straight women who probably hate themselves as much as any fat girl ever could, lashing out at an easy target. 

When it comes down to it, 95% of the direct meanness I've ever dealt with about my size has been from women.  Men by and large just ignore me.  It's the women who feel like they're entitled to treat "the competition" like dirt, to belittle (pardon the pun) any other woman for any reason that they can think of because it might keep male attention on them.  To so many women everything is about landing a man, especially looks.  I mean what is this, the 1950s? 

What they don't realize is that any man who would choose a vapid, bitchy, cruel skinny girl over me is not a man I would want to take from her in the first place.  I don't care how good looking or rich he is.  Nobody that shallow is worth my time.  Honestly, Barbie is welcome to Ken.  She can have his plastic Camaro and his smooth area. 

If Fox really had any interest in being inclusive, they'd have a "reality" show that had all types of contestants in all sizes and ethnicities.  What they're doing is exploiting one of the last safe prejudices and inviting the mockery and scorn of the audience for ratings.  Thankfully, I don't watch "reality" programming or contest shows, and I don't have cable, so I won't be subjected to the ads or the backlash that's sure to come until the pure-hearted-but-chubby leading man chooses his big-and-beautiful leading lady from the throng of women who, regardless of size, are pitting themselves against other women for the approval of a man. 

Comments

[Holly]

When it comes down to it, 95% of the direct meanness I've ever dealt with about my size has been from women.

Word.

[Racu]

Yeah, I dunno whether being old and fat is a blessing or a curse. You literally fall off everyone's radar. They don't even see you anymore. This is going to be one of those comments you hate, Sylvan, but for my own personal experience, I'm glad I didn't start putting on weight until I was past 40. The incredible invisible woman thing is actually kind of cool at this age, lol.

[Neatta]

People like to point out the health problems of being overweight, yet ignore those of being underweight!

[Debra She Who Seeks]

Women can blame the media all they want for promoting harmful body images of women, but we collaborate with our own oppression when we think, act on and teach our daughters that "thin is win."

[Laura]

First let me say I love the Mika reference in the title. Second I think you are absolutely right, I have received more grief about my weight from other women (i.e. my mother) then any other group. I've actually been lucky enough to find that the men I've met like bigger girls. I'm happy with the way I look, and sure I'd like to loose a little weight, but I love my curves. I also know I will never look the "ideal" way and I don't care. I'm just sick of having pot shots taken at me for my weight and I fear what this show will bring for these women.

[L]

Definitely a new low in the TV realm. I'm certainly glad we cancelled our cable when we did.

[Jaka Merriman]

I must admit to being guilty of sizism to a point - a look at girls that are skinnier than me and judge them. Not so much with bigger girls, whom I usually admire and think about their fine points (and butts). But I keep it to myself and don't inflict that negativity on other people because it's definitely something I'm working on changing in my own mindset. Self-loathing is a terrible thing, no matter how it's expressed.

As for this show, even if it were a wide variety and range of women, I can almost guarentee that he would choose the stereotypically attractive one, primarily due to his own buckling to societal pressures, but also due to being on television. Parading women AND men around on reality shows where people compete for "love" is appalling, no matter what their size.

[Eelsalad]

When I was as thin as people seem to think I should be (and on the high end of "normal" BMI), I wound up with fibromyalgia. Sure, I got hit on all the time by guys, but I wasn't terribly healthy. You could see my ribs between my breasts if I stood up straight.

Over the years my fibro symptoms have improved, and I've put on weight -- I'm now back to the weight I was in undergrad, when I was my healthiest (and my BMI was borderline obese).

And now my mom can't shut up about how I ought to lose weight. We women really are our own worst oppressors.

[Willow]

Well, I have to separate my "mother" from all other women. Although because of her I know I've NEVER said a word to my own daughters other than how beautiful they are. They have both had minor skirmishes with the weight monster. I have had one long and lasting battle with it. I tell them all the time how beautiful they are and refuse to dimish that by following up with weight comments.

Most men, do not like the Twiggy type. What they say and what they truly mean, are very different. Hey, i've even had that confirmed by many men! LOL.

[Marie]

Did you ever see that show the Swan? That was literally the most disgusting show that I had ever seen or heard of; I literally danced a jig when it got canceled. The basic premise? Women were taken apart and put back together by plastic surgeons and were then JUDGED on how beautiful they had been made. Were they being helped on their horrible self-esteem issues? No, of course not. They were just being exploited.

What's my point? Only that it could be worse. I know that's not the most positive thing to say, but I can't help but feel a little bit better.

And I like to try to stay positive about things like this. If a show like More to Love can make one woman look at herself and think, "I'm beautiful the way I am" or "if they're beautiful, so am I" then I think it was worth it. I'm not saying that this will happen, but I can hope.

[Danmara]

I never watch "Reality TV". Even calling it "Reality TV" is a giant slap in the face to anyone with any sense- seriously. It's about as far from real reality as you can get.

[Carin Huber]

Neatta said "People like to point out the health problems of being overweight, yet ignore those of being underweight!"

What's worse, is that 1) they are blind to the fact that fat doesn't necessarily equal sick, and 2) they ignore the fact that thin people have all the same health issues that fat people do.

On top of it all, the constant weight fluctuations of people who are obsessed with losing weight puts more strain on their bodies than just being fat. How many fat people's health problems would be lessened if they hadn't spent their lives on one crash diet after another?

[Michelle]

I find that the less TV I watch and the fewer mainstream "women's" magazines I read, the better I feel and the less girl-on-girl crime (to lift from Jezebel.com) I experience directly and indirectly.

The best way to combat girl-on-girl crime is to call it out when you see it. Saying negative things about other women's weight, clothes, etc. is so ingrained in most people that many don't even realize they're doing it. It's the job of those who are more aware to call attention and ultimately stop this kind of junk.

[LittleMsSika]

Kens smooth area ... thanks for the laugh!

[Violet]

very, very, very good post, thank you!!!