What's in a Name?

Once upon a time, when I was a fired-up young Wiccan still trying to create some space between myself and my former religion, much like a dog who slowly straightens out his legs thereby pushing you off the bed an inch at a time throughout the course of the night, back when I was new to the idea that Deity could be a variety of things besides a beardy white guy in the sky, and when I was also new to convoluted sentences boasting way too many commas, I had a really hard time figuring out how to talk about the Divine without sounding pretentious or using the G-word.

Just saying, "Oh, Goddess!" never rolled naturally off my tongue, and exclaiming "God and Goddess damn it!" was just silly.  I didn't even want to use the word "god" because in our culture the default interpretation is "beardy white guy in the sky."  In my earliest Pagan days as far as I was concerned masculine deity could go get eaten by a goat and shat out over a cliff.  Nope, I was done with that God guy.  A vagina for every altar!   Phalli need not apply!

I used to be really uncomfortable with using the term "God" to describe divinity, and hearing other people use it ticked me off because I knew that the word excluded my own concept of God, and that I was expected by society to toe the Beardy Guy Party Line.  That one three-letter word carries thousands of years' worth of baggage.  I harbored a lot of anger toward Christianity for a long time.  Most Pagans do.  A great many never get past it--they continue to condemn an entire religion based on the lunatic fringe. 

I don't blame them, honestly.  It's hard to overlook the scary, batshit-insane factions within Christianity that dominate the world stage these days, just as it's hard to look past the jihads to see that there are plenty of perfectly well-adjusted Muslims in the world.  And let's not forget those militant Unitarians:

Militant Unitarian:  YOU WILL JOIN US!
Other person:  But I don't wanna.
Unitarian:  OH!  OKAY!  HERE, HAVE A DONUT IN HONOR OF (INSERT YOUR CONCEPT OF A HIGHER POWER (IF ANY) HERE)!

(Rather like the Church of England Inquisition a la Eddie Izzard:)

At any rate, in the last year my personal concept of Deity has changed a lot.  I've never been a hard polytheist, but I'm becoming less and less of a polytheist at all as the months go by; I am fast approaching a place of, "It's all God, and it's all good."

In writing for the most part I still say the Divine or something similar in order to be inclusive, and specify gender or name when needed; in general discourse among mixed company I just go with "God," because I'm a lot more interested in the relationship and the experience than I am in the vocabulary words.  What do I care what you call it?  God, Goddess, the gods, Odin, Bob, the One, the Two, 3.14159, the All, the Vast-y Awesomeness...whatever blows your robe up is fine by me.  Suffice it to say, I'm not talking about the Beardy Guy, but if you're talking about the Beardy Guy, hey, more power to you.

My experience of the Divine has gone beyond gender and beyond name.  That is not to say I don't think the names and facets have meaning--of course they do.  All are equally valid to me, although I do have different emotional responses to some and find others, well, personally repellant.  I personally do not associate God with strictly masculine deity, because I don't think God has a penis or a vagina.  The word "god" can (possibly) be traced back to Sanskrit for "that which is invoked," or a variety of other concepts with no gender assignation. 

Sometimes I capitalize it, sometimes I don't.  Sometimes I say "Goddess" instead.   If I'm referring to a specific facet of deity I'll say so; if I mean to speak specifically of masculine or feminine, I'll say so.  But for the most part, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I've gone a bit New Agey with my vocabulary, so if I say "God" and it bothers you, feel free to read it as "God and Goddess" or "the Divine" or whatever keeps you from changing the channel.  I assure you that, whatever word I might use, I haven't converted to Christianity or any other monotheistic faith.  I'm still very much a panentheist.  God is everywhere, nowhere, in everything, beyond everything; possessed of a thousand names; all genders and none; shaped like me, you, animals, rocks, molecules, empty space; black, white, brown, purple; and above all, magnificent.

Comments

[Jaka Merriman]

This entry strikes a chord with me. For years, I've been struggling with the concept of God and what it means to me. I've never had the touching, direct experiences that you (and many others in my life) have had with the Divine and I find that absence of connection trying when I'm thinking Divine thoughts. I hope that someday I can have the personal relationship with Deity that you do - complete or incomplete with vocabulary words.

[Debra She Who Seeks]

I know some radical Catholics who use the term "Godde" to mean the Divine with both masculine and feminine aspects. It doesn't personally float my boat, but just thought I'd mention it in the context of this post.

[Susan]

Just: yes.

[Maebius]

Amen. ;)
Very well put. God is god, is goddess, Is.

[Erica]

I was raised atheist. I am a pagan. In my 52 years on this earth, I have met, to my knowledge, two real Christians. One of those calls herself a Christian Druid. So pardon me if I continue to hold to my belief that Christianity, like the God in your metaphor, should be eaten by a goat and shat over a cliff.

[Lyra]

I concur! A thousand times over. I remember reading Dance of the Dissident daughter a while back and struggling with seeing deity as feminine only all the time. It was the book that opened the door to my pagan journey for sure but one or the other? It didn't rest well with me. I've lately used Deity or the Divine. However I too am prone to think bearded guy in the sky when I hear God.
I'm still dealing with the comma splicing too. Meh.
L